The “DO’s” & DON’Ts of Courtship
Courtship is a period before marriage when two individuals who are in love and have agreed to marry each other at a certain date get to know each other. It is a time to prepare for the big thing-marriage.
Christian courtship is different from any other kind of courtship and if carried out appropriately can reduce the rate of divorce that is gradually escalating. Good courtship is expedient to the survival of any Christian marriage. This is a good time to lay a firm foundation for a good marriage.
Here are some tips for a good courtship:
Talk about your future together: It is important to focus on important issues concerning your likes, dislikes, church, employment, kids: This reveals one’s true traits, temperaments and areas of stubbornness. It also uncovers things that need to be straightened out before you say, “I do”.
Relate meaningfully and get to know each other: If you do not understand your spouse, you are likely to have an unsuccessful marriage no matter how close he/she is to you before marriage.
Deal with major character flaws which are been pointed out by your parents or close friends and relatives. If you are apprehensive about the marriage, you must deal with
the issues. It might be an indication from the Holy Spirit to beware.
Set boundaries for each other: Courtship is a period for heightened passion and thus the individuals involved have to have a check in place before the amorous relationship gets to the sexual stage. Guard your hearts so that your emotions will not lead you to sin.
Do not get involved sexually: Songs of Solomon chapter 2:7 charges us not to awaken love until it pleases. Sex overwhelms you so much that the purpose of courtship is defeated. Your mind is beclouded and you are blinded from reality.
Get involved in ministry and pray together: This enables a young couple grow together in their faith and share those convictions that will help them grow together as a couple. Seek the will of God for your future family.
Get your families involved. Spend time with each other’s family and get to know them because marriage is not about the couple alone.
Do not lie about past experiences such as marriage and children: Once someone is in love with you, having kids from previous relationships and previous marriage(s) won’t affect the way they feel about you. Lying about it will definitely destroy the trust your spouse has for you when he/she finds out.
Go for pre-marital counselling.
Remember that marriage is not a mission field and a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.
Written by Dr. Godwin & Blessing Ude