Kissing Worldly Dating Goodbye (Part 2)

images “My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother: Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck. When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee. For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life: To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman. Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life. Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?” Proverbs 6:20-27.

The youth of today are getting ripped off. Instead of enjoying their teen years as they build skills and character, they are getting distracted into the quagmire of relationships that they are not equipped to conduct. Unfortunately, our culture teaches our singles to engage in multiple dating relationships as though it were a normal and useful practice. The truth is, the modern dating system has only been around for less than a century. The worldly system of dating, as it is currently conducted by most people, is far from God’s original plan.

God wants us to have the best in life and he instructs us on how to go about it. Dating tends to skip the friendship stage and jump to intimacy and intimacy is a reward of commitment. People who pursue romantic relationship when they are not ready for marriage often put themselves in a precarious situation. It’s important to examine the reason you want to date or get involved with another person. Is it as a result of lust in your life or the desire to satisfy your sexual need?

Often times people mistake lust for love. Lust is sin. Our dating relationship should be an opportunity to model the love of God. It should create an environment for evaluating another person’s character. Character is what you are in the dark when no one is looking. Focus on the heart of the person you are dating and not only outward expressions. In I Samuel 16:7 God told Samuel, “Don’t be impressed by his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. God does not view things the way men do. People look on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” As Christians, to enjoy our dating relationship, we need to see things the way God see it.

It’s important to get involved with someone who has also submitted themselves to God’s will or else they will have no power to control their urges. Set boundaries, control or manage your body in consecration. Don’t destroy other people’s feelings or emotions. Choose to be responsible in your relationship with God and others. Treat them as God will want you to treat them. Seek a deeper friendship first.

Here are things to avoid in dating;
• Avoid saying or doing things that express romantic love.
• Don’t talk about your future together at the friendship stage.
• Don’t drop hints about romantic feelings.
• Don’t encourage your friends to treat you as a couple.
• Abstain from seduction or fornication. This affects the relationship.

Finally,
Watch to see if they have character.

Wait for God to lead you and

Pray about it.

Written by Dr. Godwin & Blessing Ude

Kissing Worldly Dating Goodbye (Part 1)

imagesWe beseech you, brethren, and exhort you by the Lord Jesus, that as ye have received of us how ye ought to walk and to please God, so ye would abound more and more. For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness”. I Thessalonians 4:1-7.

“Dating” means different things to diverse people, particularly across generations. Often times people refer to dating as the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple. However Christian dating is different from worldly dating. God has more in store for us than just jumping from one relationship to another. When it comes to Christian dating, we live according to God’s standard. It’s not just about following the rules. There are reasons God instructed us to live a certain way, and dating is no different.
Before we consider dating as Christians, it is important for us to determine the purpose for our dating. Ask yourself some questions such as: Why do I really want to date? , Am I ready for the responsibilities involved in dating and the aftermath such as marriage? Is this the right time for it?

It is important during dating to submit ourselves to the will of God. You need to maximize your relationship with God so that you can be a blessing to the person you are dating. Allow the fruit of the Holy Spirit to be in operation and let the word of God be the final authority in your life. Surround yourself with people who love God and close the door to the enemy’s suggestion.

One thing to bear in mind is that dating leads to intimacy but not commitment and intimacy involves our emotions. Establishing a foundation of friendship before intimacy is critical to having a successful dating. Friendship involves getting to know the other person’s character. We do not have to be imitators of this world because though we live in the world, we are not of the world. We should not be willing to do wrong when there is an opportunity to do right. Romance is good but it can overwhelm our perspective at the wrong time.

Establishing boundaries or setting limits for yourselves during dating will help keep you in check. Be careful not to lead your partner on and refrain from defiling one another in any way. It is important to keep your temple for God and respect each other’s temple too. There is a time for everything under the sun and everything is beautiful in its time. Wait for the right time to enjoy God’s blessing and you will reap that good seed when you get married. If you want God’s best for your life, you have to live differently.

Written by Dr. Godwin & Blessing Ude

The “DO’s” & DON’Ts of Courtship

imagesCourtship is a period before marriage when two individuals who are in love and have agreed to marry each other at a certain date get to know each other. It is a time to prepare for the big thing-marriage.

Christian courtship is different from any other kind of courtship and if carried out appropriately can reduce the rate of divorce that is gradually escalating. Good courtship is expedient to the survival of any Christian marriage. This is a good time to lay a firm foundation for a good marriage.


Here are some tips for a good courtship
:
Talk about your future together: It is important to focus on important issues concerning your likes, dislikes, church, employment, kids: This reveals one’s true traits, temperaments and areas of stubbornness. It also uncovers things that need to be straightened out before you say, “I do”.

Relate meaningfully and get to know each other: If you do not understand your spouse, you are likely to have an unsuccessful marriage no matter how close he/she is to you before marriage.

Deal with major character flaws which are been pointed out by your parents or close friends and relatives. If you are apprehensive about the marriage, you must deal with

the issues. It might be an indication from the Holy Spirit to beware.

Set boundaries for each other: Courtship is a period for heightened passion and thus the individuals involved have to have a check in place before the amorous relationship gets to the sexual stage. Guard your hearts so that your emotions will not lead you to sin.

Do not get involved sexually: Songs of Solomon chapter 2:7 charges us not to awaken love until it pleases. Sex overwhelms you so much that the purpose of courtship is defeated. Your mind is beclouded and you are blinded from reality.

Get involved in ministry and pray together: This enables a young couple grow together in their faith and share those convictions that will help them grow together as a couple. Seek the will of God for your future family.

Get your families involved. Spend time with each other’s family and get to know them because marriage is not about the couple alone.

Do not lie about past experiences such as marriage and children: Once someone is in love with you, having kids from previous relationships and previous marriage(s) won’t affect the way they feel about you. Lying about it will definitely destroy the trust your spouse has for you when he/she finds out.

Go for pre-marital counselling.

Remember that marriage is not a mission field and a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.

Written by Dr. Godwin & Blessing Ude

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CHASTITY IS COOL

images“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” Colossians 3:5

Sexual intimacy between a husband and wife is a beautiful and sacred part of God’s plan for us. It is an expression of love within marriage and allows husband and wife to participate in God’s creation of life. God has commanded that this sacred power be experienced only between a man and a woman who are legally married. Chastity includes abstinence from sexual relations before marriage and absolute fidelity and loyalty to one’s spouse after marriage.

Upholding the virtue of chastity is a real challenge in today’s society. Young people are often bombarded with images of impure and sinful relationships. The idea of chastity may seem to be one that is outdated; however, virtues do not lose their value, even if they do go out of style in some cultures.

God instructs us to love our neighbor as ourselves and this love should be pure and selfless. Pursuing sexual intimacy outside of marri

age only gratifies oneself. Its motive is selfish. How can a relationship that is called “love” be dictated and dominated by selfish motives? It can’t. We need to examine our understanding of love, as Christ modeled for us. Love gives itself for the good of others; it gives up its selfish desire. Chastity is the way to demonstrate love in our relationships both before marriage and after marriage.

Often times we think chastity is a line, and as long as we don’t cross it, we are okay. The fact here is that if we feel that we are chaste as long as we don’t cross “the line” then we could assume any sexual intimacy leading up to “that line” is acceptable. This notion is false and that is one of the reasons young people dating ask: “How far can we go?”

The answer to that question stems from a true understanding that chastity is not a line but a direction. Walking on the path that leads you to “that line” leads you to the path of impurity. We need to reserve our affection and guard sexual intimacy so that we do not ignite passions that are intended to be reserved for marriage. We need to save ourselves for marriage so that we can someday reap the manifold blessings of a truly holy and passionate marriage, the way God designed it to be.

Written by Dr. Godwin & Blessing Ude

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