For some men, anything with a powerful engine is just about the most enthralling thing they could imagine. While most women don’t understand the attraction, if your husband has emotionally with drawn from your relationship in order to direct his focus toward a vehicle, you are not alone. While men often find the female mind and emotional intimacy perplexing, engines make more tangible, concrete sense. Working on a car, truck, or boat has long served as a respite for men under emotional stress.

It’s a puzzle they can solve. As foolish as you may find the attraction, you will need to learn to respect it for its benefits before you confront your husband about the problems his new focus has created. The relief, calm, and clarity he most likely is drawn to in his mechanic work are clearly providing him something that is helping him cope with stress. Learn to respect what this new challenge has given him so you don’t begin your discussion with an accusation. He will likely feel personally threatened if you attack something that brings him so much enjoyment and comfort. Be ready to hear what he has been getting from his distraction so you can better understand why he feels he can’t be emotionally present in your marriage.

Helping Him Kick the Habit
Your husband will have his own personal reasons for being drawn to a mechanical distraction. Likely, he is drawn to vehicles as a distraction because they present a puzzle that can be solved with learning and physical effort. The trial and error, diagnosis, and delicate handiwork that working on an engine require appeals to mechanic-minded men on many levels. It moves them from the abstract and subjective world of a complex relationship to the concrete and objective world of mechanics. An engine has certain parts that will always work the same way. Marriage is more
intricate than that. You cannot just lift up the hood and listen to gauge the problem at hand.

Understanding what is behind the attraction to your husband’s distraction will enable you to begin the process of getting to the source of your marital problems and start working toward a solution. If he is drawn by the easy-to-solve puzzle aspect of vehicles, he is likely feeling that he can never solve the riddles that come up in marriage. Many men are so confused by how and why women behave the way they do that they turn to easier-to solve problems for relief.

Adapted from “THE OTHER WOMAN” by Dr. Godwin Ude.

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3

Marriage, like any friendship, begins with areas of commonality, but the stresses of normal everyday life such as children, work, finances, illness and caring for elderly parents can create stress on the union and cause couples to drift apart.

Here are a few suggestions on how to keep the flame burning:

Display team effort when in public: It is imperative for a couple to make a rule not to contradict each other when making a public appearance. Even if you do not agree with each other, it is best to choose the option to take your partner aside and talk over the matter with them or wait until later on to do this. This ensures that they are not embarrassed or undermined.

Be their cheerleader: Speak about your spouse with adoration and admiration. Life is a vicious circle; most times those amazing things spoken about them get back to their ears and this makes them feel that they are loved.

Never stop dating: Always try to set out time to have fun together. It is an established fact that a couple that plays together stays together just like children always bond with the friends that they often play with. Desist from falling back into the same week-to-week routine and missing out on spending great times together. Sometimes you may have spontaneous easy-going date. Quit picking fights or arguing and take pleasure in what you have and love each other.

Discover your spouse’s love language: Strive to be a giver and not always a receiver. The scripture said in Acts 20:35 that it is more blessed to give than to receive. Give of yourself without reservation. It is within your giving that love grows. You may not be able to make them love you more but you may be able to love each other more.

Always be attentive: Have you ever walked up to someone at a programme, and as you started talking to them, they nod and make polite sounds, but they are clearly elsewhere in spirit? They are scanning the crowd while they are standing with you peeking over your shoulder wondering who else is here.” It’s chilling to be on the receiving end of such treatment. It’s bad enough when it occurs at a social or business event, but it can be very devastating in a marriage. Always pay attention to your spouse. Look them in the eye. Listen to their heart and not just their words. This is an area of challenge for a lot of people. Later on in life, they wonder where the years went and why they don’t feel as connected to their spouse as they hoped they would. They notice a growing distance between them. If this is the case for you, take heart. It’s not too late. Regardless of how long you’ve been married, you can learn from those mistakes. Choose today to start paying attention to the person you vowed to love and cherish for a lifetime.

Written by Dr. Godwin & Blessing Ude.