Hug and kiss her every morning while still in bed
Tell her you love her
Kiss her before you part ways
Call her while at work
Surprise her with flowers and a card
Buy sentimental gifts on special occasions such as birthday e.t.c
Call her and let her know when to expect you
Hug and kiss her on your arrival and listen to how her day went
Help her in whatever way that you can
Hug and kiss her every night before you both go to bed.
Show intense interest in each other and what you are saying.
Spend a good amount of time in natural but essential conversations
Set aside time to exchange conversation and affection
Your conversation should be constructive and not destructive
Respect your spouse’s feelings and opinions especially when yours are different
Avoid dwelling on past or present mistakes
Do not interrupt when your spouse is talking
Let your discussion be informing and result in understanding.
Care for each other deeply
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life”. Proverbs 31: 10-12.
A smart woman is one who seeks for ways to do her husband good. These she can accomplish by understand what a man really needs. Here are a few suggestions to focus on:
Sexual Fulfilment: It is widely known that a man’s primary need in marriage is sexual fulfillment. No food or drink refreshes and replenishes him like sex. This is the very reason why the Bible supports frequent sexual intercourse between married couple as an important conjugal right each owe to the other. Above all the marriage bed must be kept undefiled and honored for the marriage to flourish.
Companionship: Every man wants his wife to be his friend, his best friend. Remember that the couple that plays together stays together.
Attractive spouse: Most men often feel good when they look at their attractive wife. A wife’s attractiveness is often an important ingredient for the success of their marriage and should not be ignored. However, we must bear in mind that attractiveness comes from within. I Peter 3:3-5 says” Let your beauty not be external – the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in God’s sight. For in the same way the holy women who hoped in God long ago adorned themselves by being subject to their husbands(NET version).
Domestic support: Every man desires peace and quiet in their home. They often look forward to home free of stress and worry and filled with love.
Admiration: Honest admiration is a great motivator for a lot of men. Men need to know and hear that their wives are proud of them. It inspires them to do and achieve more. They see themselves in a different light: as capable of performing more responsibilities and perfecting skills far above their current level. Admiration not only energizes and motivates but also rewards existing achievements. The satisfaction derived from a wife’s admiration is greater than that from a paycheck.
Written by Dr. Godwin & Blessing Ude.
“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him”. (Proverbs 13:24)
It is very important that husbands and wives learn to work together when disciplining their children. Here are some guidelines:
Be consistent: Children need to understand the differences between appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. Parents do not usually see a particular behavior as wrong except it gets to the extreme or makes them uncomfortable in inconsistent disciplining. It’s expedient that when parents make rules, they stick to them.
Apply appropriate discipline: Corporal and non-corporal punishments should be used wisely to help instead of hurting a child. Most parents take away privileges: this should be carried out with caution bearing in mind that a child’s basic right is a no go area. Wisely considered rewards are a good way to appropriate discipline. This often works to encourage children to change their behavior.
Be in agreement with your wife: Amos 3:3 says that “Can two work together except they agree?” Training a child is a joint effort between spouses. Sometimes children can perceive the discord between mum and dad and use that to their advantage. A joint opinion attracts greater respect from children and carries more weight with them. Children are less likely to challenge a decision when they know that their parents made it together. Some children usually manipulate the parent that favors them.
Make the rules simple: It’s important that children understand why they should or should not do something. Telling a child “Because I said so” is not good enough. The child may do as asked but the purpose for the discipline is not met. It’s important to clearly communicate our ethical, moral and personal values to our children.
Manage your anger properly: Fathers are encouraged to control their anger before disciplining their children. We need to separate our emotions from the disciplinary action and not use it as a means of communicating displeasure.
Written by Dr. Godwin & Blessing Ude
Pray together
Have meals together as a family
Go out for walks and bike rides
Have family meetings
Attend religious functions together
Play games such as scrabbles together
Go to sporting events you enjoy together as a family
Read to your children before bedtime
Work on family projects together.
“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver “.Proverbs 25:11.
Good communication is said to be a lifeline to the health of a good marriage. It’s pretty obvious to all who are wise, that there are good ways we can communicate with each other in word and deed, and harmful ways.
Just as there are things that hinder good communication, so also there are things that enhance it. Good communication causes a marriage to blossom and fulfill its purpose. Here are some keys to enhance your communication.
Develop interest in what your spouse likes to talk about: Research has shown that introverts can be considered to be garrulous when we discuss their favorite subjects. Certain subjects of interest often make the reticent spouse
to become a talkative.
Balance your discussion; Give your spouse an equal amount of time to speak and do not interrupt them. Monopolizing a discussion creates an undesirable habit (silence) in a spouse. Be sensitive to each other’s right to speak. This ensures the flow of good conversation.
Let your communication be an avenue for empowerment; Marital conversations create emotional closeness. What you discuss have a great influence on the intimacy of your relationship. Superficial relationships are as a result of discussions that hinder the ability to understand and adjust to each other. Satisfying and rewarding marriages are as a result of time spent on informing, investigating and understanding each other. Understand each others’ motivation in life, personal feelings and attitudes, interest and activities.
Quality time: Give each other undivided attention when communicating. Do not let anything distract you. Focus on each other.
Written by Dr. Godwin & Blessing ude
Courtship is a period before marriage when two individuals who are in love and have agreed to marry each other at a certain date get to know each other. It is a time to prepare for the big thing-marriage.
Christian courtship is different from any other kind of courtship and if carried out appropriately can reduce the rate of divorce that is gradually escalating. Good courtship is expedient to the survival of any Christian marriage. This is a good time to lay a firm foundation for a good marriage.
Here are some tips for a good courtship:
Talk about your future together: It is important to focus on important issues concerning your likes, dislikes, church, employment, kids: This reveals one’s true traits, temperaments and areas of stubbornness. It also uncovers things that need to be straightened out before you say, “I do”.
Relate meaningfully and get to know each other: If you do not understand your spouse, you are likely to have an unsuccessful marriage no matter how close he/she is to you before marriage.
Deal with major character flaws which are been pointed out by your parents or close friends and relatives. If you are apprehensive about the marriage, you must deal with
the issues. It might be an indication from the Holy Spirit to beware.
Set boundaries for each other: Courtship is a period for heightened passion and thus the individuals involved have to have a check in place before the amorous relationship gets to the sexual stage. Guard your hearts so that your emotions will not lead you to sin.
Do not get involved sexually: Songs of Solomon chapter 2:7 charges us not to awaken love until it pleases. Sex overwhelms you so much that the purpose of courtship is defeated. Your mind is beclouded and you are blinded from reality.
Get involved in ministry and pray together: This enables a young couple grow together in their faith and share those convictions that will help them grow together as a couple. Seek the will of God for your future family.
Get your families involved. Spend time with each other’s family and get to know them because marriage is not about the couple alone.
Do not lie about past experiences such as marriage and children: Once someone is in love with you, having kids from previous relationships and previous marriage(s) won’t affect the way they feel about you. Lying about it will definitely destroy the trust your spouse has for you when he/she finds out.
Go for pre-marital counselling.
Remember that marriage is not a mission field and a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.
Written by Dr. Godwin & Blessing Ude
“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” Colossians 3:5
Sexual intimacy between a husband and wife is a beautiful and sacred part of God’s plan for us. It is an expression of love within marriage and allows husband and wife to participate in God’s creation of life. God has commanded that this sacred power be experienced only between a man and a woman who are legally married. Chastity includes abstinence from sexual relations before marriage and absolute fidelity and loyalty to one’s spouse after marriage.
Upholding the virtue of chastity is a real challenge in today’s society. Young people are often bombarded with images of impure and sinful relationships. The idea of chastity may seem to be one that is outdated; however, virtues do not lose their value, even if they do go out of style in some cultures.
God instructs us to love our neighbor as ourselves and this love should be pure and selfless. Pursuing sexual intimacy outside of marri
age only gratifies oneself. Its motive is selfish. How can a relationship that is called “love” be dictated and dominated by selfish motives? It can’t. We need to examine our understanding of love, as Christ modeled for us. Love gives itself for the good of others; it gives up its selfish desire. Chastity is the way to demonstrate love in our relationships both before marriage and after marriage.
Often times we think chastity is a line, and as long as we don’t cross it, we are okay. The fact here is that if we feel that we are chaste as long as we don’t cross “the line” then we could assume any sexual intimacy leading up to “that line” is acceptable. This notion is false and that is one of the reasons young people dating ask: “How far can we go?”
The answer to that question stems from a true understanding that chastity is not a line but a direction. Walking on the path that leads you to “that line” leads you to the path of impurity. We need to reserve our affection and guard sexual intimacy so that we do not ignite passions that are intended to be reserved for marriage. We need to save ourselves for marriage so that we can someday reap the manifold blessings of a truly holy and passionate marriage, the way God designed it to be.
Written by Dr. Godwin & Blessing Ude
Transformation Family Life Centre (TFLC)
10694 City Parkway (135 St.)
Surrey, British Columbia, Canada V3T 4C7
1 800 550 5697